Koalas

koalas

Here’s a fun fact about koalas: something like 90 percent of them have Chlamydia! Normally it doesn’t cause any problems, but when they get stressed it leads to raging, uncontrollable diarrhea and a condition called “dirty tail.” So maybe don’t cuddle them like we all know you want to. Also, “Dirty Tail” sounds like a deep cut from a Nickleback album. 3.3/5

Afghan Biscuits

afghan biscuits

These are made from flour, sugar, butter, crushed cornflakes, and cocoa powder, with a walnut on top. These don’t really have anything to do with Afghanistan. They’re from New Zealand. They look pretty good. I never really considered that New Zealand had it’s own food. I wonder what else New Zealand has. Electricity? Cars? A space program? 3.8/5

Harry Dresden

Harry Dresden

Now this is a wizard. From knocking a werewolf across Chicago with Play-Doh, to stealing all the souvenirs from the Crucifixion out of a treasure room in Hell, to murdering all the vampires in the world, to making a zombie from the fossilized remains of Sue the Tyrannosaurus Rex, this is a guy who keeps finding new ways to say yes to the question: Is what I’m planning going to be awesome? 4.9/5

Quentin Coldwater

magicians-quentin-coldwater

Quentin Coldwater (one of the best character names in all of fiction, by the way) is one of the titular magicians in Lev Grossman’s The Magicians series. He kind of grew up with his readers. He went from a high school graduate who was kind of a douche and was super-depressed all the time in the first book, to a thirty-something with back problems who was kind of a douche and was super-depressed all the time in the last one. Man, there is a lot of self-insert fanfic about me that I didn’t even bother to write. 4.0/5

Gooey Butter Cookies

gooey butter cookies

This are cookies principally made by a few St. Louis bakeries, and, most importantly, by me, Stuff Rater. It’s kind of plug-and-play in that the recipe calls for a box of cake mix, but you can use any flavor you want until you get things like orange cookies, or carrot cookies, or butter pecan cookies with no extra work and everyone thinks you’re some kind of cookie genius. Please don’t look up the recipe for these. With every other person that knows how to make these, I become less and less special until people don’t have to invite me to things in the hope I will bring cookies. 4.9/5