Gooey Butter Cake

Gooey-Butter-Cake_2110

Apparently people think Paula Deen invented this? No. Just like she did with racism, she stole the idea from the past and just acted like she invented it. It was actually invented in the thirties in a St. Louis bakery when a German baker who didn’t know the English words for butter or flour guessed wrong and reversed the proportions from a recipe for coffee cake or something. It is delicious and a huge mess, just like if you tried to eat Paula Deen. 3.9/5

Revolution X

revolution x

In this game, you play a fan of Aerosmith who witnesses the band’s kidnapping and proceeds to travel around the world murdering US government employees with compact discs in an effort to get them back. So as you’re playing Call of Duty: The One With Lasers Or Something and you wonder why no one makes original games anymore, remember this. This is why. 0.3/5

Donkey Kong

donkey kong

This arcade game about an angry woman-stealing gorilla is notable for being the first appearance of Mario, except when it came out his name wasn’t Mario yet. It was Jump-man. It’s a whimsical kind of universe where you get sucked into a pipe and transported to a magical land filled with mushroom people and peopley mushrooms and decide to change your name from Jump-man. 3.6/5

St. Paul Sandwich

st paul sandwich

This sandwich, an egg foo young patty with hamburger fixings on white bread, is not from St. Paul at all, but was invented in a Chop Suey house in St. Louis. The story of how they got their name is kind of precious if true, but kind of racist if not. The Chinese inventor of this sandwich, the story goes, couldn’t say the letter L in “St. Louis” so he just picked a different saint. Anyhow, the sandwich is fine. I think I’d like it better if the egg foo youngs were the bread and bacon or something was in the middle, but I’m in the stuff rating game, not the sandwich invention rat race. 2.9/5

St. Louis-Style Pizza

st louis pizza

Far be it from me to besmirch my hometown, but St. Louis isn’t my hometown, it’s just the largest city within commuting distance of my hometown so here goes: do not eat this. This is a pizza minus everything good about pizza. The cheese–provel–is a portmanteau of provolone and VELVEETA. The crust is so thin it usually isn’t actually there. I guess sometimes there are peperonis on top you could pick off and eat,  but it’s not worth it, because you’d have to sit too close to one of these monstrosities to get to them. 0.1/5