Dog Farts

dog farts

They are not as cute as they sound like they should be. Also, I thought they were supposed to be silent, but it turns out my childhood dog was just polite, for a dog. Not so with current dog, who has colonic events of surprising volume and then tries to bite them as they exit her body. Cat farts are probably about as cute as they sound like they should be, though. 1.2/5

Keep Your Nose Clean

keep your nose clean

An idiom that means, in practice, “don’t do crimes.” Which doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, as the only nose-based crime I can think of is the cocaine trade, and if it’s just the one crime, you should just be able to say “don’t do cocaine.” It turns out, this phrase started out as “keep your hands clean” and was about masturbation, which, if that t-shirt my friend had in college means anything, is not a crime. Anyway, I think we can all agree: don’t use your nose in masturbation, please. 4.1/5

All Together

all together a

This is a limited-edition anti-bullying cereal that is Corn Flakes, Frosted Flakes, Froot Loops, Frosted Mini-Wheats, Raisin Bran, and Rice Krispies all mixed together. I have mixed feelings on this. Not everything in there goes together, especially Frosted Flakes and Corn Flakes. When you mix those together all you get are badly frosted flakes. And also, it’s been a long time since bullying (or being bullied) was a going concern for me, but it seems to me that the fastest way to get bullied would be to eat an anti-bullying cereal. On the other hand, the proceeds go to support GLAAD, and it’s nice when I get to combine my interest in philanthropy, with my interest in eating. 3.4/5