Keeping Up With the Kardashians

keeping up with the kardashians

I don’t. Keep up with the Kardashians, that is to say. I can’t imagine a universe in which this show isn’t worse than drinking poison, but I guess I don’t have any direct knowledge of such. I can tell you I’m actually a big fan of Kim Kardashian, but that’s mostly because I have been doing 10 years of patient careful work at never hearing her talk or reading anything she’s ever said or written, and well, to borrow an old chestnut, I like big butts, and I cannot lie. 0.2/5

The Real World

real world

The Real World? The Real World? The real world is heartburn, and unpaid bills, and laundry, and oil changes, and voting, and jock itch, and dead relatives and sick kids. It most emphatically is not enthusiastically whiny twentysomethings boning down on each other in a multi-million dollar house. It’s trying to hold that fart in until the elevator reaches your floor. It’s not exploding with rage because Puck stuck his finger in the peanut butter. 1.1/5



This is a sweet bread made to celebrate something, and honestly, any day on this side of the dirt is worth celebrating in a country with a 244 per 100000 people murder rate. They usually cut a design into the top before baking, and a google image search reveals the most popular design is the Spider-Man symbol, so, upon further consideration, Ethiopia is rad AF. 4.8/5

It Takes a Church

it takes a church

This is a reality show, from the Game Show Network, where a church congregation tries to find a significant other for one of their own. I’m glad this isn’t a widespread thing. I mean, not least of all because I’ve been happily married for fifteen plus years, but also because the only church I’ve ever been to more than twice is the one my parents go to, and I am fairly sure that I am the youngest person anyone there knows by at least thirty years. And I mean, I try not to be ageist, but if I were looking for a woman to date, I would still be primarily looking for one in her pre-menopausal years. 0.7/5



This is pretty much my only bit of regional mispronunciation. I say “bolth” instead of “both.” As a kid I was very interested in talking like people do on teevee and not like my parents, so, mostly I have the American version of no accent. Only my parents say “both” and Tom Brokaw says “bolth” so I got confused. I might be biased, but I like it better. It’s saucier. Tongue-ier. 3.9/5