Frodo Baggins

frodo

Of all the fellowship of the Ring, including Boromir, who betrayed everyone to orcs and immediately died, Frodo is the worst one. Just a whiny pathetic limp rag who tries to give away the evil, corrupting, immensely powerful One Ring away no less than three times after swearing not to, and really does nothing nothing but complain about a journey that is really just walking and one time he fell asleep when a spider was in the room. He can’t even destroy the One Ring properly, it gets destroyed accidentally when Gollum eats one of Frodo’s fingers wrong. Just the worst. Also, Appendix C in Return of the King reveals his real name to be “Maura,” so now his secret is out.

BILBO 4EVER!

0.1/5

Seinfeld

seinfeld

The prototypical show about nothing, a lot of people claim they can’t watch it now, because each and every problem could be solved by the invention of the cellular telephone, which is true but it’s also true of pretty much every sitcom that ever aired at any time up to and including fifteen years after the invention of the cellphone. Me, I have trouble with it because of that time Kramer shouted racial slurs at some hecklers when he decided he was a stand-up comedian. 2.5/5

Participation trophies

participation trophy

These are the trophies given to kids who lost, or to kids who won but they didn’t want to give them a better trophy than the kids who lost got. Millenials get a lot of flak from baby boomers for being a participation trophy generation, but as children, they weren’t giving the trophies to themselves, were they? As a Generation X-er, I think we can all agree that all the other generations are terrible, and we should be getting the trophy for best generation. 1.4/5