Lena Dunham

NBC's "72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards" - Red Carpet Arrivals

I don’t really know who this is. I guess she was on a show. I don’t know that much about her. But I learned this much after hearing someone make a joke and not understanding it was a joke because I didn’t know who Lena Dunham was and then repeating the joke I didn’t know was a joke and thought was an actual fact about a Saturday Night Live sketch or something when her name came up in conversation: Lena Dunham is definitely not Paul Giamatti in a wig. 2.5/5

The Hydraulic Press Channel

hydraulic press channel

This Youtube channel features a Finnish man who loves to crush things (barbie dolls, a rubber duck, a bowling balls, a stack of hamburgers) in a hydraulic press and does so. This is why the internet is better than television. Everything from television ends up on the internet eventually, but no network is going to anchor their Thursday night by smooshing Guy Fieri at 10,000 PSI. 4.5/5

Webbigail Vanderquack

Webby

Webbigail (“Webby” for short) came with the nanny that Uncle Scrooge hired because buying two people for the price of one is how he got to be so fabulously wealthy. She got all the plots that weren’t masculine enough for Huey, Dewey, and Louie and also one time she made friends with a Yeti. My Dutch might be rusty but I think her last name means of the quack. I’d like to be of the quack. 1.3/5

Two Princes

two princes

This Spin Doctors jam is how you know you’re in the 90s in a movie. How you know you’re in the 90s in real life is you’re twenty years younger and fifty pounds lighter and girls are noticing you, they’re not avoiding the sad old man, they’re noticing, and they’re liking what they notice and you don’t have a worry in the world, just not a care, and your cellphone’s not ringing all the time and you feel like you can breathe again. Just breathe. How did you go this long without breathing? Don’t worry about it. Don’t worry about that anymore. You’re home now. And also the layer of fudge crunchies in Dairy Queen ice cream cakes has way more fudge it it and Courteney Cox’s face still looks like a human’s face. 2.1/5