This one is for Jewel, and only Jewel. Everybody else stop reading.
I heard about the divorce, and I can’t help but wonder if it was for me. I love you, Jewel. I’ve always loved you. We are meant to be together. We always were. Just you and me together on our ranch. We’ll raise hedgehogs or chipmunks or something else small and unintimidating, and as the sun goes down I’ll lay my head in your lap and say “tell me a story, Jewel,” and you will and it will be about wizards and danger and a group of plucky were-tiger adventurers who save the last dragon, and, in so doing, themselves.
Call me, Jewel. My wife understands. What we’ve got, it’s bigger than wives.