Stand Up Comedy

stand-up-comedy

This is where a person gets on stage and tells jokes at the audience for an amount of time. As a person who has done a little bit of this, I don’t think enough attention gets paid to how weird it is to get sent on a stage with nothing, absolutely nothing, and just be expected to entertain people. At least strippers have a pole. My heart goes out to the brave men and women but mostly men who protect that bare brick wall. 4.7/5

Harry Dresden

Harry Dresden

Now this is a wizard. From knocking a werewolf across Chicago with Play-Doh, to stealing all the souvenirs from the Crucifixion out of a treasure room in Hell, to murdering all the vampires in the world, to making a zombie from the fossilized remains of Sue the Tyrannosaurus Rex, this is a guy who keeps finding new ways to say yes to the question: Is what I’m planning going to be awesome? 4.9/5

The Washington Monument

washington monument

Well, at 555 feet, it certainly is suggestive. Erroneously so, if you buy into the theory that George Washington had Kleinfelter’s syndrome, one of the main symptoms of which is microgonadism. But how about that scene in the new Spider-man movie where Spider-man backflips over a helicopter to smash the window at the top of this thing and save his high school class from an explosion? That was pretty dope, right? 2.6/5

Riots

riots

I guess I’m opposed to them, but not, like, vehemently opposed to them. I think I’d like to flip over a car, I guess is what I’m saying. Seems like your problems wouldn’t seem so big for awhile if you could remind yourself of the time you flipped a car over. 2.5/5

Adele

adele

Adele is a famous singer. If her song lyrics are any indication, people really seem to like breaking up with her, which is nice; usually that’s a pretty tough time. As far as I can tell, she doesn’t even have a cat, let alone one with a clever name, although she did become friends with a cat named Larry who lives and works at a cat cafe in Vancouver. 3.9/5