Hootie and the Blowfish


A one-hit wonder from the 90s. Some people might take issue with that description, pointing out that they had four top twenty hits from their first album alone. It’s not true, though. They didn’t have four hits. They had one hit, four times, and just changed the title. It’s the same song. Prove me wrong. Anyway, Hootie eventually quit the band to do country music and was immediately inducted as the third black person in the Grand ol’ Opry, along with Charley Pride, and some other guy who may never have been recorded and no one can agree what he ever did for country music. But, I mean, come on. They can’t just have two of them. 1.2/5

Monster Rancher 2


This is a monster-raising game, kind of like Pokemon, except the conceit is that the monsters are actually trapped in your CDs and Playstation games, which you put in the disc drive, and your Playstation releases them. The world is weaker now that this mechanic is gone. I don’t know what kind of monsters are trapped in Spotify, but I think they might be dead, and I know they’re never getting out. 4.6/5

Spice Drops

spice drops

These are gum drops, but smaller and not flavored like fruit. Ideally they’d be flavored with spices, on account of that’s their name, but at least all the mint ones are herbs, not spices, and one of the flavors is orange and that’s a fruit, and God knows what licorice actually is. Anyway, you can look and look and look, but you’ll never find someone who likes all these flavors, but you can’t buy them separately, so if you want spearmint, I hope you’re ready for cloves. 2.6/5

Castlevania: Symphony of the Night


I thought I would save some money on this one when I bought it used late in the PS1’s run, but I lost all the savings when I had to buy a new-in-shrink strategy guide, because this game is way too hard for me to figure out on my own. It’s enough to drive a man crazy. But what is a man? A miserable little ball of secrets! But enough talk, have at you! 2.0/5