The Great Wall of China

great wall

This wall was built to keep the Mongols out of China, unless you believe the Disney film Mulan in which case is was the Huns. Only the Huns were German. Remember Attila the Hun sacked Rome? Rome’s pretty far from China. Anyway, it didn’t work, because the Mongols–who lived right there and made much more sense as a cartoon bad guy–rolled right on into and over China in 1272. Okay Wall of China at best. 2.5/5

Flutie Flakes

flutie flakes

I’m something of a 90s buff, in that if the 90s were a place I would move there and run for President, but even I am hard pressed to explain how this career backup quarterback launched this breakfast cereal that was literally everywhere for about a month in 1998 and then disappeared forever. Voodoo? Probably voodoo. Anyway, it’s fine. It’s just Frosted Flakes only Tony the Tiger is a shortish Canadian man. 3.0/5

The Green Monster

green-monster-fenway

The Green Monster is not an actual monster, but is the giant left field wall at Fenway Park in Boston. It’s 37-something feet tall, where the average outfield wall is, like, eight? Nine? Way less than 37. When rocket-powered sports robots finally break in to baseball, this will be where they prove their ultimate superiority over our poor, poor flesh and sinew. 3.1/5

Cookie Crisp

Cookie_crisp_2.jpg

These aren’t cookies. They don’t taste like cookies. You wouldn’t even assume they had anything to do with cookies if they were called something else. Because they’re trying to be cookies, though, they’re about the least healthy cereal you can buy. So Cookie Crisp is in a unique position of being worse in every possible way than just crumbling up chocolate chip cookies into a bowl of milk. 0.1/5

The Walls of Jericho

walls of jericho

These are the walls around the city of Jericho, from the Bible. The Israelites couldn’t get in so God sent somebody to walk around and play a trumpet and eventually the walls fell down. I guess you can’t build a God-proof wall, but remember Judges 1:19 when God was defeated by some Canaanites with iron chariots, and consider that maybe it was just an extremely bad wall. 0.3/5