Infinity

infinity

This is when something–a set of numbers, space, energy, a luxury automobile–goes all the way up, to the point where the concept of “going” is both silly and meaningless. It’s a comforting idea. If the universe is infinite (it isn’t) or even if the number of universes is (maybe!) it means if anything can happen, it will, infinitely many times. Which means there are infinitely many versions of you out just crushing it. And if you take your pleasure in the tribulations of others, there are infinitely many yous just absolutely borking up your life worse than you ever would. I’d like to visit some of the versions of me who married the first girl I ever saw naked, and ask them how their meth addictions are going. 4.9/5

Please Come to Boston

please come to boston

Dave Loggins’ classic anthem to incompatible love. It’s about a guy who travels the country, to Boston, to Denver, to L.A., and keeps sending letters home asking his girlfriend to come join him, but she won’t because she wants everything to be like it was, back home in Tennessee. But now, in 2018, all of the cities Dave Loggins went to have legal weed, and I think in Tennessee they have a strict policy of execution if you get caught with so much as a skunky Ziploc, so I guess what I’m saying is: I’ll come to Boston with you, Dave Loggins. I’ll come to Boston. 4.6/5

Whimsy

whimsy

There’s a distressing trend in modern times to interpret whimsy as cuteness. Which is not the case. To be whimsical is to be driven by your whims. To act immediately to fulfill your immediate wants, rising from your chaotic brainscape. Do you decide what you want? No. You just want it. To act, mostly at random, with no goal other than to slake your momentary lusts: this is the essence of whimsy. So yeah, Winnie the Pooh is pretty whimsical, but not in the way you were thinking. 3.1/5

The Frugal Gourmet

Jeffsmith

He was a teevee chef, who was also a Methodist minister, on PBS in the eighties and nineties. He was on at 1:00 on Wednesdays. I know this because my dad was off on Wednesdays and we used to watch it every time it was on. In 1997 he left his show because of some obviously trumped up underage gay sex allegations, and it was a huge miscarriage of justice. The other day I found out there are some episodes on Youtube. I watched them and they’re just about how I remember. But then I googled him, and it turns out he paid millions of dollars to silence these allegations, and that there were dozens of them, from over decades. And so it probably looks like he did whatever he was accused of, and worse. And, what’s more, it looked like it at the time, but without the internet, I just had my parents’ version of the story. My parents are Methodists, too. I’m not anymore, nor am I any kind of Christian, but I always thought the Methodists were definitely one of the best pieces of the Christian community, but there was a definite circling of the wagons, here. It’s interesting what we’re blind to, I guess.

Anyway, the point is, the Frugal Gourmet says you don’t have to add milk to eggs to scramble them, but, I mean, dude’s a child molester, so I’ma keep putting milk in mine. 0.1/5

Druid

druid

There was a thing that came out recently that noted that Druid is the least-played class in the current iteration of Dungeons and Dragons. It’s patently ridiculous that this could be the case. See, druids get access to the spell awaken which gives any plant of animal an intelligence of 10 and makes them able to speak your language and makes them be your friend for a year. I don’t know about you, but where I come from an army of super-intelligent talking kitten besties is not to be disdained. 4.9/5