Daggers

dagger

Is there a difference between a knife and a dagger? I guess a dagger is a knife for stabbing people, but all knives are for stabbing people if you stab hard enough. Your life really improves if you start referring to all your knives as daggers. Paring daggers, steak daggers, pocket daggers, butter daggers. BUTTER DAGGERS! 4.7/5

Hats

hat

If you don’t wear a hat, your head might get sunburnt and then, in a couple of days, your head will get itchy. If you do wear a hat, your head will get itchy immediately. Heads are stupid, I guess is what I’m saying. All things considered, I’d rather stay inside and use an anti-itching shampoo. 1.1/5

Communism

theparty

From each according to his abilities, to each according to his needs. That’s a pretty nice credo, but almost entirely unworkable when it comes to eating pringles or having sex. Communism is right up there with Gilded Age Style Robber Barony as the economic system with the coolest facial hair, though, and that’s not nothing. 3.4/5

Methyl Mercaptan

methanethiol-2d

Methyl Mercaptan is the molecule that makes your non-rotten egg farts smell bad. This is better than it sounds because if farts didn’t smell bad, fart jokes would be a lot less funny and there would be no reason not to make all your fart noises with your mouth, getting saliva droplets everywhere. Also “Methyl Mercaptan” sounds like the ghost of a mermaidĀ  cursed forever to command a fleet of ghost submarines. 4.0/5

Battletoads

battletoads

Battletoads is just about the hardest game of all time, but not because anybody tried to make it hard, just nobody tried to make it any good. There are portions of the game that require better-than-human reflexes, but the NES doesn’t react at better than human speed, so even if you’re an angel or a robot it’s still down to luck. The Battletoads themselves were named Rash, Pimple, and Zitz, so kudos to Rare for making skin conditions so 90s extreme. 2.1/5