Technically, this has alcohol in it, but it still gets put down as a mixer, because anyone who drinks vermouth straight is a literal monster. This is Wine only with an infusion of a proprietary mixture of tree bark and stuff. Mostly this is used in martinis, but martinis get better and better the less vermouth is in them. The best martini is a neat-looking glass of 100% gin. 0.1/5

Susan G. Komen for the Cure


These people don’t to anything to cure breast cancer. They’re a breast cancer awareness organization. Which is all well and good, except no it isn’t, because everyone is aware of breast cancer at that point and every dollar anyone gives them is a dollar that someone thinks is helping but will never be spent on curing anything. 0.1/5

Betsy DeVos


The Secretary of Education. When she was nominated and confirmed last year a lot of people were–even Cadet Bone Spurs supporters–shocked and terrified at her lack of experience and her fabulous wealth of terrible ideas. Now it just seems kind of quaint remembering that we thought that this administration’s most evil plan was that they just didn’t want our children to learn things. 0.1/5

Sleep deprivation


When I don’t get enough sleep–and for me enough is too much, I could sleep twelve hours at a stretch and still be ready for a nap–I start to assume that everything in my peripheral vision is a monster. Well either that or I gain the ability to see previously invisible monsters, but only in my peripheral vision. Neither of these options are particularly enticing. I don’t care what Dick Cheney says, this is torture. 0.1/5