Pickled Lemons

pickled lemons

This is a thing they do in Morocco. They pickle lemons in a mixture of lemon juice and salt. It’s like someone taught them the absolute wrong way to make lemonade, and when life gave them lemonade, they made lemon pickles. There’s probably a reason that’s not how the expression goes, and that reason is probably that these taste like poison. 0.2/5

Túró Rudi

Túró Rudi

This is a candy bar with cheese on the inside. Look, I was on board for the soup rolled up in a pancake, Hungary, but this takes my tragically American sensibilities and tramples them into the dust. Soup can go in a pancake, but cheese can’t go in a candy bar. Some things are a welcome departure from the ordinary, but some things are just deviance for the sake of deviance. This is a step too far. 0.2/5

Bottling up one’s emotions

bottle

If you had asked me a few years ago, this would have gotten a better rating from me. It has all the benefits or never being sad, and if it means you never get to be happy, well, it’s not like happiness is terribly common. Now, though, I recommend against it, since I’ve learned that my brain can’t build a bottle strong enough that my emotions can’t eventually eat through it, and now sometimes when I’m sitting on the toilet I’ll be forced to remember when my cat died. 0.2/5

Snot

snot

Nasal mucus. I hate it. At least when it’s in my nose; I’m indifferent to other people’s snot. As the seventh month of winter here in St. Louis has (possibly?) come to an end and all the flowers have erupted into bloom, I have gotten real familiar with this stuff over the last week. The fact that, because that’s how bodies work, my body has taken a non-trivial amount of the food that I have eaten and turned it into this is kind of the ultimate betrayal. 0.2/5

Love (Tennis)

tennislove

Pretty much every bad comedian has a bit about how buck wild it is that the term for a score of zero in tennis, is “love.” Including me, as of now, but I still feel like it bears discussion. Love should be the best score, not the worst score! Equating love and zero is problematic, not least of all because it turns Burt Bacharach and Dionne Warwick’s hit song “What the World Needs Now is Love Sweet Love” into a hymn begging for the annihilation of Earth. 0.2/5