Afghan Hound

afghan hound

This is the dog that attempts to answer the question “What if Sonny and Cher were a dog?” It’s also, statistically, the stupidest of dog breeds. You know that thing where you throw a blanket over a dog’s head and the faster they get out from under it, the smarter they are? Afghans tend to assume that underblanket is just how their world works now. 2.0/5

Prince Polo

prince-polo-2-hazelnut

Prince Polo is the official candy bar of Poland. It’s charming that a country has an official candy bar. Unfortunately, it’s half wafers and I hate wafers, because when I was a kid I knew we didn’t have enough money for real snacks when my mom put wafer cookies in my lunch, because they were like fifty cents for a big bag of them at the discount grocery. So, I can’t rate this objectively. Subjectively it’s like a two. 2.0/5

Ulysses S. Grant

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The S doesn’t stand for anything, because “Ulysses S. Grant” isn’t this guy’s actual name. He was born Hiram Ulysses Grant and only picked up the initial when a clerk at West Point wrote down his name wrong and he thought “close enough.” He should have kept Hiram, if only for all the other Hirams out there who think there’s no way one of them could ever rise to the highest office in the land. 2.0/5

Gerald Ford

gerald ford

Gerald Ford was the only man to serve as both United States President and Vice President without being elected to either post. He was appointed Vice President when Spiro Agnew resigned and slid right into the Presidency when Nixon did the same. When elementary school teachers tell the dumb kids that they could grow up to be President one day, this is almost certainly what they mean. 2.0/5