Wall-E

wall-e

This movie, starring a less-sassy Johnny Five, is about how humanity becomes fat and complacent and ruins Earth because they can buy anything they want and want anything they’re told they’re told to want from a giant multinational corporation. You can buy it at Wal-Mart. I don’t know if they get it. Also Wall-E takes some liberties with hand-holding an unconscious robot that are kind of problematic in the light of the #metoo movement. 2.3/5

Belize

belize

Belize is the only country in Central America with English as its official language. I thought for the last 20 years that the map of Spanish-speaking countries in the back of my high school Spanish book was accidentally miscolored, but nope. It’s also the only English-speaking country in the world where no one reads Stuff Rater. I don’t know why, I talk English real good. 2.3/5

Shaving

shaving

Shaving is fine to do, so long as I’m not the one doing it. Usually I just hack the fuzz off my face with a beard trimmer once a week or so, but in May of this year the cashier at McDonald’s called me “ma’am” and I was so flummoxed I didn’t know what to do except for let my beard just grow for the next six months, so I haven’t even done that recently. Anyway, shaving makes my skin break out. 2.3/5

Frankenstein

frankenstein

Yes, I know Frankenstein is the doctor, not the monster. Yes, I know I’m supposed to call it “the creature” instead of “the monster.” But let us be honest with ourselves, this is a thing that murdered the entire Frankenstein family because it was sad about being ugly. My parents made me ugly and I just developed a really cutting sense of humor and off-and-on major depression. There are other ways to deal, Frankenstein Monster. 2.3/5

Oranges

orange

Who even eats these? All the good parts of oranges are in orange juice. The rest is just packaging, and that thing at the bottom looks uncomfortably like a butthole. Still I like that oranges are named after what color they are, which is convenient, and also a total power move against all the other orange fruits. 2.3/5