Stages of Grief: Anger


This is kind of a mixed bag. If you’re grieving because a vampire killed your grandmother, that anger might help you become a world-class vampire hunter and save everyone else’s grandmothers from exsanguination. If, on the other hand your grandmother died from a combination of old age and osteoporosis, well, you can’t get angry at calcium or the concept of linear time. I need both of those things to keep on rolling if I want to eat a whole wheel of cheese watching Avengers: Infinity War. 2.5/5



The prototypical show about nothing, a lot of people claim they can’t watch it now, because each and every problem could be solved by the invention of the cellular telephone, which is true but it’s also true of pretty much every sitcom that ever aired at any time up to and including fifteen years after the invention of the cellphone. Me, I have trouble with it because of that time Kramer shouted racial slurs at some hecklers when he decided he was a stand-up comedian. 2.5/5

Annie Hall


I’ve never seen this movie. Most of what I know about it is that people hate it for getting Best Picture the year Star Wars came out. Let’s be grown-ups here, though, Star Wars isn’t that great. The movie we should be angry about is whoever beat out The Empire Strikes Back. Which google tells me is…Ordinary People? Sure. Fine. 2.5/5

The Trumpet


This is an instrument I actually know how to play. I got some bad info about how playing the trumpet gives you the kind of lips that really bring in the ladies, when my actual high school experience revealed that the ladies were actually into really really just way too big pant legs. Also frosted tips and Hostess Cupcakes. The trumpet was just a thing that took valuable time away from my tip-frosting, and whose high-pitched wailing drowned out the majestic swooshing of my JNCOs. I do like that you have to make fart noises into it to make it work, though. 2.5/5