This is the bad guy from Final Fantasy X. He’s a giant space whale and also the ghost of your dead father. I was 18 when this came out so the part about the bad guy being your father really resonated with me, but then it turned out that he was an unwitting victim of an immortal sorcerer, and that both of you were actually the dreams of thousand-year-old statues that used to be people, and at that point the analogy kind of fell apart. 2.7/5



The primary antagonist from Final Fantasy V. Exdeath is an evil tree even more evil than the mean old man trees in The Wizard of Oz. Of course Exdeath wants to use the power of the void to destroy all realities, and the mean old man trees want to grab people and complain about how their apples are rotten, but neither of them really pulled it off, so I guess it’s the thought that counts. 2.7/5

The BRAT diet


This is not a diet comprised entirely of bratwurst, which is about as close as you can get to what I eat now, but what you’re supposed to feed to a child who has diarrhea. “BRAT” is a anagram for Bananas, Rice, Applesauce, and Toast. It sounds pretty edible, and I certainly don’t want children to die from pooping, but the fact that they put in applesauce and toast instead of apples and bread makes me wonder if unadulterated apples and bread actually give you diarrhea. 2.7/5

Girl Scout Cookies

girl scout cookies

The are the cookies sold by, you guessed it, the girl scouts. What you may not know is that the girl scouts don’t make the cookies, they’re made by the same people who make Keebler cookies. I guess Ernie and the rest of the elves. Anyhow, these are like five dollars, and, for all the cookies that aren’t yucky, Keebler makes a better version you can buy at the store for like two-fifty. Now, I’m not saying don’t give the girl scouts your money, in fact I’m saying the opposite. Just give the girl scouts some money. You’ll have plenty after buying more and better cookies at half the price.

P.S. Samoas are best if you disagree you are a toilet person. 2.7/5