Walking Taco

walking taco

This is a food I always see at the Illinois State Fair. It’s a bag of Fritos with taco stuff dumped in there. I feel like the inventor of this had to have noticed that taking the shell off of a taco does not make it easier to walk around with, but then again just selling regular tacos isn’t going to get you included as a line in a Huffington Post listicle. 3.0/5

The World’s Largest Catsup Bottle

catsup

This is a water tower in my hometown. That’s right, there’s not even any ketchup in it! Just water!  It is in a sketchy part of town and by looking at this picture you have done everything you can do if you go to visit it. Also it is certainly smaller than the ketchup bottles on the scoreboard at Heinz Field in Pittsburgh, but we all get around that by pretending Pittsburgh doesn’t exist and by spelling “ketchup” in a really weird way. 3.0/5

The Zombie Apocalypse

the zombie apocalypse

This is when mindless shambling horrors overrun civilization and the survivors get by by making jokes about how it was always that way, what with the cell phones and the Candy Crush. I’ll tell you what I’m going to do when the zombies roll in. I’m going to start eating people. It’s what zombies do during a Zombie Apocalypse and it always seems to go pretty well for them. 3.0/5

Toast Sandwich

toastsandwich3

This English sandwich that Wikipedia swears is real is two pieces of bread with a piece of bread in between them, only the middle piece of bread is toasted. This is less a sandwich and more an intellectual exercise, but at least it’s not actively bad. People have been eating three slices of bread since the invention of bread or the invention of three, whichever came first. 3.0/5

Babies

baby

I don’t get people who love their babies more than their spouses. Presumably you chose your spouse, while your baby was procedurally generated from several of your grosser bodily functions and probably poops itself at least twice as much as your spouse does. Eventually they play with Legos, though, and it’s always nice to have another excuse to buy some Legos. 3.0/5