CB Radio


This is the radio that truckers use to talk to other truckers and to prostitutes specializing in truckers. Some years back in my colorful history I drove a truck over the road for a couple of months and I can tell you this: calling someone “good buddy” implies that you are looking for a brief homosexual encounter with that person. So be sure that’s what you want before you start quoting BJ and the Bear. 3.1/5

Snoring Rail


This bird, native to some of the grosser and swampier parts of Indonesia, is so hard to get to that there may not actually be any photographs of the thing. We do, somehow, know that its call sounds like snoring, so that’s kind of awesome. The term “thin as a rail” actually comes from this family of birds and not railroad rails, even though both kinds of rail are about the same level of thinness so I don’t see how it matters. 3.1/5

The Green Monster


The Green Monster is not an actual monster, but is the giant left field wall at Fenway Park in Boston. It’s 37-something feet tall, where the average outfield wall is, like, eight? Nine? Way less than 37. When rocket-powered sports robots finally break in to baseball, this will be where they prove their ultimate superiority over our poor, poor flesh and sinew. 3.1/5

Apocalypse: Caught in the Eye of the Storm


Apocalypse: Caught in the Eye of the Storm is the first in a series of four movies where A-list celebrities like Gary Busey, Margot Kidder, and Mt. T fight the Antichrist after God beams all the Christians back to Heaven. The Antichrist, meanwhile, uses what we all imagined virtual reality would look like in the far future world of the year 2000 to grant everyone’s wishes, and honestly it all works out pretty well for them, because they never finished this series so the Antichrist comes off as a pretty chill dude. Anyway the third one has Gary Busey shouting at God in a forest. It was never going to get less than a three out of five. 3.1/5