Sebastian Michaelis

black butler

From the anime “Black Butler.” This guy is apparently a demon who agreed to become a child’s butler in exchange for the right to eat that child’s soul at a later date, and then also solves crimes, but I only watched a little bit of the first episode and it was mostly about manners, so I am learning about this from Wikipedia which kind of cushions the blow of how rad that is a little bit. 3.1/5

CB Radio


This is the radio that truckers use to talk to other truckers and to prostitutes specializing in truckers. Some years back in my colorful history I drove a truck over the road for a couple of months and I can tell you this: calling someone “good buddy” implies that you are looking for a brief homosexual encounter with that person. So be sure that’s what you want before you start quoting BJ and the Bear. 3.1/5

Snoring Rail


This bird, native to some of the grosser and swampier parts of Indonesia, is so hard to get to that there may not actually be any photographs of the thing. We do, somehow, know that its call sounds like snoring, so that’s kind of awesome. The term “thin as a rail” actually comes from this family of birds and not railroad rails, even though both kinds of rail are about the same level of thinness so I don’t see how it matters. 3.1/5

The Green Monster


The Green Monster is not an actual monster, but is the giant left field wall at Fenway Park in Boston. It’s 37-something feet tall, where the average outfield wall is, like, eight? Nine? Way less than 37. When rocket-powered sports robots finally break in to baseball, this will be where they prove their ultimate superiority over our poor, poor flesh and sinew. 3.1/5