Kang the Conqueror

kang

Kang, who I think is actually Mr. Fantastic’s uncle from the future, in addition to being an Ancient Egyptian pharoah and a different version of himself with a cooler hat and beard doesn’t actually have super-powers, he’s just really good at time traveling. Which, when you consider the fact that Doc Brown probably had to kill at least two baby Marty McFlys from alternate timelines to make Back to the Future work out, leads me to believe that time travel makes you evil. So that’s why nobody ever goes back and kills Hitler! 3.1/5

James Tiberius Kirk

james tiberius kirk

For the representative of a one-world government, Captain Kirk was really, really American in how he handled things out in space. When presented with a thing, he would either ignore it, punch it, or have sex with it, and when in doubt, he’d choose have sex with it. Look at him up there, about to make out with that Gorn. He’s the Wilt Chamberlain of space. 3.1/5

Bacos

bacos

These are pretend times bacon bits. There’s no bacon in them. I think they were vegan, actually. We always had these in the house the house when I was a kid, in fact, this and bananas might have been the only vegan things we ever had in the house when I was a kid, since cookies have eggs in them. I think the plan was to put them on salads, but we never actually ate salads, so I usually just poured them out of the bottle into my mouth. They weren’t bad. 3.1/5