Apocalypse: Caught in the Eye of the Storm

apcoll

Apocalypse: Caught in the Eye of the Storm is the first in a series of four movies where A-list celebrities like Gary Busey, Margot Kidder, and Mt. T fight the Antichrist after God beams all the Christians back to Heaven. The Antichrist, meanwhile, uses what we all imagined virtual reality would look like in the far future world of the year 2000 to grant everyone’s wishes, and honestly it all works out pretty well for them, because they never finished this series so the Antichrist comes off as a pretty chill dude. Anyway the third one has Gary Busey shouting at God in a forest. It was never going to get less than a three out of five. 3.1/5

Battletoads

battletoads

Battletoads is just about the hardest game of all time, but not because anybody tried to make it hard, just nobody tried to make it any good. There are portions of the game that require better-than-human reflexes, but the NES doesn’t react at better than human speed, so even if you’re an angel or a robot it’s still down to luck. The Battletoads themselves were named Rash, Pimple, and Zitz, so kudos to Rare for making skin conditions so 90s extreme. 2.1/5