Peanuts

Peanuts

These aren’t nuts. They’re legumes. They’re pretty versatile, there aren’t too many things you can put on an ice cream sundae, and in stir-fry, and on top of a donut, and mushed up on a sandwich. Strawberries, maybe, but that would not be a great sandwich, I don’t think. It seems like every class has a kid that is allergic to these now. Those kids will never live more than a half-life, which is the highest percentage of life one can have without Reese’s Pieces in it. 4.9/5

You Oughta Know

you oughta know

Alanis Morissette took a lot of flak when she released this song for being a “man-hater” but it didn’t take a lot of digging, even at the time–when the internet was just four pictures of dinosaurs and a mere billion teraquads of pornography–that mostly it was about Uncle Joey from Full House breaking up with her after dating her all throughout her childhood. So she gets to be a man-hater and he gets to skate on the charges of being a child molester. There is a downside to Canadian politeness. Anyway, this is a pretty dope track, just her and a bass and a snare drum and a whole lot of anger. 4.9/5

Unforgiven

Unforgiven

Rarely is an Oscar Winner for Best Picture the actual best picture of that year. Citizen Kane is widely acknowledged as the best film of all time and it lost Best Picture to How Green Was My Valley, which is widely acknowledged as a the subject of a b-plot in an episode of “Frasier.” This one was, though. It’s just a great, great flick about how gunfighting is a skill it doesn’t really pay to have. Hunt this one down and watch it, folks, it comes with the best recommendation a thing can have: one from me, Stuff Rater. 4.9/5

High School

high school

I know this is not a sentiment widely shared by most of the people who spend most of their time on the internet, but I found high school to be an absolute blast. I know this means I peaked. There was no meaningful college experience or glorious professional sports career in the offing for me. I am almost certain never to be elected to the presidency. It seems likely that I’m just going to work and work and work until I die at work. But I was the most glorious human being I was ever going to be at a time when I had absolutely no responsibilities and nothing to do but enjoy it. That’s something I wouldn’t trade. Also I stole all the letter r’s from the basketball scoreboard, which is kind of immaterial to this whole thing but the statute of limitations is probably up and I like telling people about it. 4.9/5

Ilya of Murom

ilya of murom

This is…not a real guy. He was sickly as a child and prayed for super-powers and then got them from a traveling beggar who may or may not have been Jesus. He got further superpowers from tricking a strongman into an unbreakable coffin and then sucking his strength out through a straw. He fought and defeated Nightengale the Robber, a bird-man and also not a real guy, and also Batu Khan, who was a real guy, but one from three hundred years after Ilya was supposed to have been born. He is a saint in the Russian Orthodox Church. Where is Saint Robin Hood? Where is Saint Hercules? Where is Saint Kimberly from Power Rangers? Get with it, Catholicism. 4.9/5