Flag Burning

Burning-Confederate-Flag

I’m not against this; flag burning is a freedom of speech issue, and I depend of my freedom of speech to be able to accurately rate President Fat Bag of Farts. But I’m not necessarily for it either, since flags cost money, and if you find yourself in possession of enough money that you feel like you can buy something just to set on fire, maybe give it to a poor person. Or if you can’t find a poor person, to me, Stuff Rater. 2.5/5

Swimming

swimming-pigs

I don’t understand why this is a thing. Aside from that hilarious thing that google maps does when you ask it to give you directions to Hawaii (“Swim across the Pacific Ocean”) I have never had to swim to get anywhere. It’s cool, but so is air conditioning. No, swimming is just exercise, which is bad enough, but it’s exercise where everyone gets an extra helping of seeing how fat I am. 1.1/5

Time Travel

time travel

Before my daughter was born I was 100% in favor of time travel, but now I worry that whatever monkeying around I do in the past would erase her from existence. So I guess I’m pretty much resolved to travel only to the near future, since that’s only going to erase children from the less near future from existence and they’re not even born yet. It’s a shame I won’t get to have invented the Macerena, though. 4.7/5