Co-Sleeping

co-sleeping

This is when a baby’s parent and co-parent put it in their bed between them for sleeping. Don’t do this. I can’t claim to understand this, or really much of anything from a mother’s perspective, but as a father this seems like just the worst. At a time when you get no sleep, now you get less. At a time when you get no time alone with your co-parent, who you ostensibly love, now you get less. And you’re never going to sleep soundly, because as soon as you do, that’s when you roll over on your child, and I guarantee you, the number of babies who die this way every year certainly isn’t zero. No. Love on your baby when it’s awake, and when it’s asleep put it in its own room where it can’t get pinkeye from my sleep toots. 0.1/5

Stay at Home Mom

stay at home mom

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard that being a stay-at-home mom is a full time job, mostly because I don’t remember, but, like, a lot, probably. Anyway it isn’t. It isn’t any kind of job, because the thing about a job is that it’s something you don’t want to do, so they have to pay you to do it. Most moms probably at least wouldn’t admit to not wanting to be a mom, and nobody is going to pay you to watch your own children, except maybe reality television, if something is super wrong with one of them. Stay-at-home momming is more like volunteering at an animal shelter, sure it’s vital and rewarding, but it’s also noisy and gross and exhausting and also none of the animals have learned to poop outside. 3.6/5