Candlenights, as introduced in the podcast My Brother, My Brother, and Me, is a “Pan-Religious, Pan-Sexual, Personal Pan Holiday” that ate all the other holidays to absorb their power. It comes at different times and means different things to different people. I’d like mine to come in mid-January and have all the sausages from all the holidays that are about sausages and also Halloween candy. 4.9/5

Candy Canes

candy canes

Candy canes come in three main flavors: Peppermint, Rainbow Cherry, and Other. Other is uniformly terrible, no one puts any effort into it because, even with the best flavor ever, how many repeat candy cane customers can you even expect to get? Peppermint is the weakest and worst of mints. But Rainbow Cherry. Oh, Rainbow Cherry. I would die for you, Rainbow Cherry. 3.4/5