Overalls

overalls

There was a brief period in the 90s, roughly coinciding with my sexual awakening where overalls were the television shorthand for “this girl is a nerd, except she’s secretly really pretty, but she doesn’t know it, so she might kiss you, a nerd!” which was a powerful message for me, a nerd. Unfortunately, the last ten times I saw anyone in overalls, were all my neighbor with his truck up on blocks in his driveway, and while he doesn’t wear a shirt underneath, I’m still pretty sure he’s not secretly a pretty girl, so it’s been a rough twenty years or so. 3.9/5

Pants that say “Juicy” on the butt

juicy-pants

These give me a legitimate excuse to peruse the butts of strangers, which I appreciate, but there’s like a 50/50 chance it’s going to remind me how much I love Juicy Fruit chewing gum and that I should go buy a pack instead of inviting me to consider the metaphorical juiciness of your posterior, so be aware of that when laying out your clothes for the day, and also try not to wear them at places that don’t sell gum, because that’s just real frustrating. 2.6/5