Girl Scout Cookies

girl scout cookies

The are the cookies sold by, you guessed it, the girl scouts. What you may not know is that the girl scouts don’t make the cookies, they’re made by the same people who make Keebler cookies. I guess Ernie and the rest of the elves. Anyhow, these are like five dollars, and, for all the cookies that aren’t yucky, Keebler makes a better version you can buy at the store for like two-fifty. Now, I’m not saying don’t give the girl scouts your money, in fact I’m saying the opposite. Just give the girl scouts some money. You’ll have plenty after buying more and better cookies at half the price.

P.S. Samoas are best if you disagree you are a toilet person. 2.7/5

Chocolate-Covered Strawberries


They’re okay. I’m on board with the concept of covering things in chocolate, but strawberries, for me, aren’t a consistent enough fruit to fully execute it. Sometimes you get a sour one, and sour face isn’t a turn-on. It looks like a kissy face, true, but a kissy face where the person you expect to be kissing is slimy or something. Chocolate-covered bananas, that’s the path to my heart. 2.9/5

White Castle


White Castle is a fast food restaurant know for its tiny, thin, oniony hamburgers. It’s not super romantic, except on Valentine’s Day they put out red tablecloths and heart-shaped balloons and you can’t get a table without a reservation. It’s nice. Plus, if the next day, you and your partner can survive each other’s White Castle farts, you know the relationship is worth holding on to. 4.9/5



I know these are pronounced “yee-rows” and not “jye-rows” but I call them the second thing because it helps me pretend I’m a robot who has to eat robot components to survive. Anyhow, these are roasted meat and tzatziki¬† on a pita and I love them so much I’m willing to ignore that tzatziki is a yogurt sauce and yogurt is basically just very very bad milk. 4.7/5