Ladybugs

ladybug ritz cracker appetizer

These are any in a series of terrible snacks made to look like a ladybug. The best of these is a half apple with chocolate chips on the back and a Hershey Kiss for a head. The others range from strawberries with blueberry heads to tomatoes and olives and what looks like grass in cream cheese on a Ritz cracker, so, yuck. Plus apples and chocolate don’t even go together and Ladybugs are Cthulu-level horrors. 0.2/5

Prune Juice

prune juice

If you mix this with root beer schnapps, it somehow tastes like celery. Of course you’ll have to do it at home, because bars don’t typically stock prune juice except as a joke, but it’s a pretty good mixer, especially if you don’t like throwing up. Anything you would have thrown up normally, will have exited through the rear entrance some time ago with this stuff. Also, since nobody makes cocktails with it, you probably can claim to have invented whatever you make! 3.9/5

Chocolate-Covered Strawberries

choco-strawberry

They’re okay. I’m on board with the concept of covering things in chocolate, but strawberries, for me, aren’t a consistent enough fruit to fully execute it. Sometimes you get a sour one, and sour face isn’t a turn-on. It looks like a kissy face, true, but a kissy face where the person you expect to be kissing is slimy or something. Chocolate-covered bananas, that’s the path to my heart. 2.9/5

Fruitcake

fuitcake

This is a quick bread, I think, and not actually a cake, filled with fruit and nuts. I don’t know what the green things are. I guess I’m hoping for kiwi but preparing for olives. This is the prototypical bad edible Christmas present, but as somebody whose mom makes Christmas cookies in November and freezes them and then gives them to you on Christmas day and you’re supposed to be so excited even though at this point they all taste like stale onions and plastic wrap, well, it’s not the only contender for that particular throne. 1.2/5