Swearing

cursing

This project, Stuff Rater, began as an exercise to see if I could still be funny without swearing. The jury is probably still out on that one. In real life I use the f-word as a comma. It’s been an interesting experience, though, this thing. Arguably, saying an e-cigarette is the kind of cigarette Robocop would smoke after enjoying tender relations with the robot from “Small Wonder” is funnier than the profane version, but the follow-up to that joke is one I can’t even make because there aren’t any family-friendly words that exist to say it with. Anyway, I do love me some swears. Feel free to send me an email and I’ll swear at you, pro bono. 4.9/5

Lena Dunham

NBC's "72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards" - Red Carpet Arrivals

I don’t really know who this is. I guess she was on a show. I don’t know that much about her. But I learned this much after hearing someone make a joke and not understanding it was a joke because I didn’t know who Lena Dunham was and then repeating the joke I didn’t know was a joke and thought was an actual fact about a Saturday Night Live sketch or something when her name came up in conversation: Lena Dunham is definitely not Paul Giamatti in a wig. 2.5/5

“Guy walks into a bar”

bar

In these, a guy walks into a bar and either makes a double entendre that is hilariously misunderstood by the bartender or gets involved in a series of escalating dares culminating in intercourse with a cow or something. Usually when I walk into a bar, I stand at the bar for a couple seconds before deciding it is too crowded and leave to go home, stopping to buy a tallboy of Miller High Life at the gas station on the way. 2.2/5

Light bulb jokes

lightbulb

This is a joke where you ask how many of a specific group of people it takes to change a light bulb and then the answer ends up being some outlandish number that illustrates a particular quirk of members of that group. Let’s be clear here. The real answer is always one. I’m not sure how two people could even go about changing a light bulb together. Sometimes if it’s really high up you need a second person to hold a ladder, but holding a /ladder isn’t changing a light bulb, now is it? 2.7/5