If God is all-powerful and all-knowing, then almost all prayer is pretending that isn’t the case. If God is who most people think he is, then the only acceptable prayer is “okay.” Now that I’ve shortened church down to about a half a second, all you God-botherers should be sure to thank me for all the extra-good naps you’ll be getting. 0.3/5



The opposite of paranoia, this is the belief that everyone is out to secretly help you. I can’t say this is a feeling I’ve ever had, but I feel like I’d resent it. You don’t help people because you believe they’re vital and powerful don’t need it. You help people out of pity. If there’s a word for the belief that everyone is out to not really consider you in their decision-making process (and at this point I’d have to believe it’s called “noia”) that’s the one I want. 1.0/5



Your exact double. As someone who avoids mirrors, I’m pretty glad to not have one of these, because I don’t think I could stand to be in the same room with him, so barring a murder/suicide pact one of us is going to move to a legal marijuana state and you’ll have an entirely different additional Stuff Rater with more spelling errors that is entirely about cereal because there are a million cereals and I have opinions about all of them and I can count on sober me to rate the uninteresting stuff, like doppelgangers. 0.1/5

The Peter Principle

Steve Carell Sept. 1

This is a theory that attempts to explain why management is so horrible by postulating that every time a worker is competent at their current job they get promoted, until finally they reach a level at which they can never attain competence, and then they stay at that level forever. I’m going to have to call BS on this one, though, because I have been in the workforce for almost 20 years and I have never seen a competent person get any sort of promotion. 1.3/5



Let me go ahead and solve American homelessness for you. Next time you want to build an aircraft carrier, instead take that money and build a house for every homeless person. Then, give me the rest of the money and I can build a donut store for them to work at. It probably won’t be terribly profitable but since I am now–by a large margin–the world’s wealthiest man I can run at a loss for some time. TL;DR the American government is and always has been mostly terrible. 0.1/5