The Washington Monument

washington monument

Well, at 555 feet, it certainly is suggestive. Erroneously so, if you buy into the theory that George Washington had Kleinfelter’s syndrome, one of the main symptoms of which is microgonadism. But how about that scene in the new Spider-man movie where Spider-man backflips over a helicopter to smash the window at the top of this thing and save his high school class from an explosion? That was pretty dope, right? 2.6/5

President Fat Bag of Farts

TrumpDiarhea

I try to remain pretty apolitical on this thing, but if you pay attention you can piece together enough info about me from my ratings to get a pretty good feel for where I stand in the political spectrum. I don’t like Mississippi or Christian movies. I have heard of soups from other countries. I’m in favor of punching Nazis. I know how to read, and to write. I accidentally on purpose referred to the sitting President of the United States of America as “President Fat Bag of Farts.” The tracks are there to follow. 0.1/5

Ulysses S. Grant

fifty_dollar_bill

The S doesn’t stand for anything, because “Ulysses S. Grant” isn’t this guy’s actual name. He was born Hiram Ulysses Grant and only picked up the initial when a clerk at West Point wrote down his name wrong and he thought “close enough.” He should have kept Hiram, if only for all the other Hirams out there who think there’s no way one of them could ever rise to the highest office in the land. 2.0/5