How important do you have to be before your murder rises to the level of assassination? Heads of State get assassinated for sure, but lower than that, it gets murky. John Lennon was assassinated, but Marvin Gaye was murdered. Selena was murdered, Tupac was assassinated. Gianni Versace was assassinated, but I have literally only heard of him because he was assassinated. Whatever that level of importance, I can tell you this: I will never ever be that important and all cats assume they are at least seven times that important by virtue of their being cats. 2.4/5

The Washington Monument

washington monument

Well, at 555 feet, it certainly is suggestive. Erroneously so, if you buy into the theory that George Washington had Kleinfelter’s syndrome, one of the main symptoms of which is microgonadism. But how about that scene in the new Spider-man movie where Spider-man backflips over a helicopter to smash the window at the top of this thing and save his high school class from an explosion? That was pretty dope, right? 2.6/5

President Fat Bag of Farts


I try to remain pretty apolitical on this thing, but if you pay attention you can piece together enough info about me from my ratings to get a pretty good feel for where I stand in the political spectrum. I don’t like Mississippi or Christian movies. I have heard of soups from other countries. I’m in favor of punching Nazis. I know how to read, and to write. I accidentally on purpose referred to the sitting President of the United States of America as “President Fat Bag of Farts.” The tracks are there to follow. 0.1/5