Trina Honeydew Cheese Puffs

trina honeydew

I hope this lady’s name is Trina Honeydew, instead of just Trina, because honeydew is not a flavor that belongs in a cheese puff. They do taste kind of gross, but I blame that on the horseradish that somehow snuck its way onto the ingredients list, not on trashmelons. It’s quite something that two out of five of these were just Cheetos, only worse. Cheetos are already pretty bad. 0.4/5

Migos Sour Cream with a Dab of Ranch

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Okay so one night and a bunch of heartburn medicine later, I’m back on the Rap Snacks grind. These are sour cream “with a dab of ranch” because maybe Migos invented dabbing? Anyhow, these are okay. Ranch is not a great flavor. But it’s not super distinct on these. They basically taste like sour cream and onion chips where something is slightly wrong. But “slightly” is not a huge amount of wrong, sour cream and onion is a good flavor that’s not easy to ruin, and these didn’t cause me any physical pain. That puts them in the top half of Rap Snacks flavors at least. 3.0/5

Lil Boosie’s Louisiana Heat

lil boosie

I hoped these would be a lil Boozy. They weren’t. They are pretty hot, for chips. Which is no fun for me, because the heartburn from the hot fries is already hitting. I killed all my taste buds years ago, but my stomach still knows when I’m eating something I shouldn’t. Also the size/drink rap name is not near as cool as the size/vehicle one. Medium Diet Cokey? No. No I think not. 1.5/5

OOWEE Lil Yachty’s Hot Cheese Fries

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They’re fine. They’re not that hot. I feel like “fries” implies they’re made of potato, but they’re pretty much just Flamin’ Hot Cheetos. I’m more excited about Lil Yachty on the front of the bag because he means you can get a rap name by combining a size and a vehicle. Medium Snowmobiley. Big ol’ Skateboardy. Tiny Sedany. Colossal Stagecoachy. 2.6/5

Fabolous New York Deli Cheddar

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These are Rap Snacks. As far as I can tell, they’re chips with rappers on the front. I bought five different ones of these at the gas station, and I’m going to try and review all five. I started with these, because Fabolous is the only rapper of the five I’ve ever heard of. They are…not great. Makes sense, it’s not like New York delis are particularly known for their cheddar cheese. I get it though, because it’s not like Wisconsin and Vermont are known for their rappers, either. 1.9/5

 

Dunkaroos

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As a kid, I used to love these, not only because it meant we had enough money to go to the good grocery store that week, but also because they were graham cracker kangaroos you dunked into cake icing. As an adult, I mourned their passing until I realized that bears are close enough to kangaroos for eating in graham cracker form, and you could buy enough Teddy Grahams and Betty Crocker icing to have thirty years worth of do-it-yourself Dunkaroos and still get change back from a twenty. If they brought these back though, I’d go to town on them, because let’s be honest, I don’t like to do things for myself. 4.7/5

Lifesavers Holes

lifesavers holes

These were supposedly the part that got punched out of the middle of the Lifesaver. I don’t think that’s the case, both because I don’t think Lifesavers get made that way, and if they do, why aren’t these still being sold? It can’t be cheaper just to throw them away, and also, if it is, where’s that garbage can? Anyway, I liked these because you didn’t have to unwrap them, but then summer hit and the temperature of the grocery store rose above 65 degrees and they all turned into bottles with undifferentiated lumps of lifesaver protoplasm, and that’s kind of a deal breaker. 2.0/5