Empty Cardboard Wrapping Paper Tubes

tubes

If you know someone who has never turned one of these into a Samurai sword then you know someone who has live a life bereft of joy. These are better than almost every gift I have ever gotten. Getting to whallop someone you love right in their stupid face with one of these is miles better than any gift certificate. Even Amazon gift certificates. 4.9/5

Colorforms

colorforms

These are like little vinyl reusable stickers. The box turns into a playset for them to stick to and they were pretty much the most fun a person could have until the invention of the internet. Protip, if you draw your own pictures and put saran wrap on the back of them, well, you’ve made your very own colorforms! Be sure to use this information if you’re trapped in the 80s and looking to really impress me as a child. 4.9/5

The Snoopy Sno Cone Machine

snoopy sno cone

In one of the saddest stories of my childhood, I got one of these for Christmas when I was like five, and I was super excited to just yum down on some sno-cones but I was never once allowed to use it because my parents thought it would be too loud. It just sat in a closet until much later in my life when I got high and broke that nipple thing off of Snoopy’s head to chew on it, because sometimes I like to chew on things. 0.5/5

Skip It

skip it

Skip It was basically a plastic ball and chain that you put around your ankle so you could swing it around with one leg and skip over it with your other leg. The theme song instructs you to “Do a good jump, do hop hop.” Doing hop hop is all well and good and basically the point of owning a Skip It, but if you do a good jump your Skip It is going to fall off and you’ll have to start all over. 2.5/5