Toy Story 3

TOY STORY 3

The (so far) finale of the Toy Story franchise. This was, for a long time, the best reviewed movie ever on Rotten Tomatoes. I’m going to buck that trend. At the end of this movie, you’re supposed to be sad when all the toys are almost destroyed, and you’re supposed to be relieved when they go to a little girl who will play with them. The problem is this: No one in the movie knows these toys are alive. No one in the world knows any toys are alive. So the moral of the story ends up being “Love your things more.” No. No. Don’t love things. Love people, especially me: Stuff Rater. 2.0/5

Candyland

candy_land_game

This is a board game for kids, only it’s not actually a game. The winner is determined by the shuffle before the game even begins and you really just wait to see what happens. There’s a lesson there, but not one most parents are prepared for their kids to learn, I think. Anyway, I can tell you this, Queen Frostine is not nearly as sexy now as she was when I was a kid. What’s up with that, Hasbro? 1.1/5