According to superstition, doing this will get you seven years of bad luck. Which tracks, I think, because I have definitely broken more mirrors in my life that my age divided by seven. You get in a good enough car accident, that’s like eight mirrors, right there. 1.4/5
I don’t like blueberries, so this isn’t for me. I worry about people who do, though, and are wanting to learn more. See, really you shouldn’t google “blue” and “waffle” in the same day, let alone in the same search, but to learn anything about this, that’s what you have to do. Protip: don’t. Just don’t. You will never be able to eat cereal, or anything else, ever again. Don’t do it. Just assume you know everything there is to know about this and eat it or don’t. Do not google those words. Do not fall down that rabbit hole. 1.4/5
It’s baseball, but lacking everything I understand about baseball. You kind of play it in a straight line on offense, but all spread out on defense, home runs are worth something like 15 points, you’re throwing at a series of poles instead of a person, it’s cool to do bouncies, like in kickball, and the matches can last for days. Every couple of years I decide this will be the year I finally sit down and learn the rules of cricket. I learned that thing about bouncies last time! 1.4/5
This…this is not an appetizer, Applebee’s. It is a cup of soup. Appetizers are to share with the table. This is a cup of soup. Do you, what, you bring it with four spoons? Just have a soup category. Soup is not an appetizer. It is soup. 1.4/5
Her role is mostly to get captured. Well, I feel like her role is to give Fred someone to share his kerchief-based kink play with, but in terms of the story, her role is to get captured. 1.4/5
These have the same problem as all the other pizza-flavored chips: they don’t have a flavor chemical that tastes like pizza. They best they can get is oregano, which is an unsettling flavor of chip at best. No, I think they need to make an entire pizza, and then freeze-dry it and pulverize that into a powder if they want to get it right, but at that point, it’s probably more effective just to switch your business to frozen pizza. So, oregano chips for the foreseeable future. God help us. 1.4/5
In Italy, it’s just Parmigiana, but in the states, almost every time I hear that particular word, it’s preceded by “chicken” so I thought I’d clarify. It’s deep-fried eggplant layered with sauce and cheese and then baked. It sounds pretty good, except for the fact that eggplant is definitely mouth poison and lasagna already exists. Other than that, though, thumbs up! 1.4/5
These were the coolest shoes it was possible to get when I was about twelve, and despite that, I still managed to get a pair of them. It turns out they’re just basketball shoes with air bladders in them that you pump up with the little basketball. Only, I have pretty wide feet, so basically, these were just shoes when I could decide to give myself a blister whenever I wanted! 1.4/5
This is an ice cream cone dipped in Dreamsicle. But a Dreamsicle is already orange mixed with vanilla ice cream. And now they’re mixing it again. At this point, it’s the LaCroix of ice cream novelties. 1.4/5
One, it is the wrong jelly for peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. When presented with the grape/strawberry dichotomy you should zig instead of zag and blow everyone’s minds with red plum. Two, it doesn’t taste like grapes. It tastes like grape Kool-aid. And the fact that I can’t tell if that makes it better or worse is kind of a scathing indictment of the whole grape jelly concept. 1.4/5
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